Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
