you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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