I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He felt like a one man threesome
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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