I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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