We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
