just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
