i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I need to calm my uterus...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
