it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
