Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
