Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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