So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So vagazzling was a success
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
