it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
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