can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
