smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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