You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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