CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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