That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
