: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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