my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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