no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
