I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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