Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
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