Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
