Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
