my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
