New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
