I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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