put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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