We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The air was thick with penises
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
