and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
