You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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