He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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