Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize