I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
