I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
