did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
