Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
A+ Viking dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
