I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
