Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
