community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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