Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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