i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
