Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
