Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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