He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize