Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
