Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
