Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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