My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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