You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
