i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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