i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
