hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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