would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
