I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
