I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
try to milk me bitch
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