I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
