He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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