its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
