My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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