According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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