small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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