Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
