I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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