My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
